Danceletter 17
Another week has passed. Writing to you is my new Friday-night ritual. While things get bleaker here in New York City, I seem to have turned a corner personally sometime last weekend, up and out of that anxiety vortex. Maybe being open about it helped. Or maybe I’m just getting used to this new reality, even as I still can’t believe we’re here.
This shift coincided, not surprisingly, with accepting that if I’m going to make it through this quarantine with my sanity intact, I have to exercise every day, even for just a little while. This week I’ve been more physically active (in the confines of my living room and bedroom). And you’ll never believe what the best workout has been: learning my first TikTok challenge. I know. More to come on this surprising development.
After a couple of weeks of allowing myself not to do too much, I am back to actually feeling really busy. That familiar New York feeling. I think I had some expectation that all this extra time would materialize, but it hasn’t. A lot of my days resemble my pre-pandemic days as a freelancer, just without the part where I would walk to the coffee shop, or go out for a show at night, or take the subway uptown to teach in person. And with more phone/Zoom calls to family and friends. The days go by really quickly.
This situation, I’ve found, heightens a lot of feelings that, under old circumstances, I was more able to accept or push aside, for better or worse. One of those, for me, is a desire to slow down, while also worrying that I’m moving too slowly, not doing enough. The right pace is elusive. So is the ability to stop working or, the bigger hurdle, telling myself I should be. Two summers ago I went on vacation for two weeks. It took a lot of planning, but I didn’t work at all during that time, a first in my five-and-a-half years of freelancing. I remember thinking I should do that more often.
Maybe because time is no more abundant than it used to be, I’ve been feeling weighed down by the proliferation of suggestions for how to spend it, or how not to. On the heels of so much what-to-do-at-home content (some of which I have produced and will most likely keep producing), I’ve noticed a counter-trend of “stop trying to be productive” content. Both genres irk me in different ways (even my own contributions to them). Maybe they’re the same genre. Maybe I just wish each and every one of us — those staying home and especially those who still must venture out to work — could take a break, a full and luscious break. That we all could feel secure in slowing down.
While I can’t make that happen for myself or anyone else, at least not immediately, I can continue providing small respites in the form of dance videos. This one came from Wendy Perron, via Twitter, back in November, after the tribute to Donald McKayle presented by Paul Taylor American Modern Dance. According to Wendy’s tweet, McKayle was Diana Ross’s preferred dance partner. They’re amazing together:
Before I go, one more small victory from this week: Substack, the company that hosts this newsletter, sent a letter to its writers a few days ago, announcing that among other helpful initiatives, they’ve decided “to drop Substack's cut of subscription revenue for publications that are donating their earnings to the fight against COVID-19, whether that’s charities, non-profits, or businesses that have been directly impacted.” It’s good to see companies with millions in venture capital funding making the right choice.
This means that when you sign up for a paid subscription, Substack no longer takes 10%, so aside from the transaction fee charged by Stripe, all of your money will go to the NYC Low-Income Artist/Freelancer Relief Fund and the Dance Union’s NYC Dancers Relief Fund (COVID-19). If you prefer to donate directly to those funds, you can still send me confirmation of your donation of $30 or more (email sburke28 [at] gmail [dot] com), and I’ll sign you up for a complimentary paid subscription.
This week, between direct new subscriptions, donations in exchange for subscriptions, and Substack’s refund of the 10% they’d taken so far, Danceletter raised $368, bringing the total raised for both funds to $988, which I think is pretty great for this small operation. Thank you to all who have contributed! Let’s keep the momentum going.